The Mystery Cans Revealed

Ok, ok, ok... so you can't stand not knowing what was in the label-less cans from the $5 Banana Box procured from the Pallet Grocery Outlet last week. Me, neither.


They were:

#1: Mandarin orange segments in light juice. Very tasty if I do say so myself.

#2: Whole berry cranberry sauce. About the only kind of cranberry sauce I can stand but still way too sweet and even though the calendar says September, it was 93 degrees today and I was not in any Fall fest mood. I stirred it into a box of orange-cranberry muffin mix and baked it for about an hour and half against my better judgment in this heat and they're ok... but they're going in to the office with me tomorrow where those people will eat anything if you put it on a plate and cover it with plastic wrap...

and lastly...

#3: Some kind of chicken and dumpling soup that looked pretty good even to vegetarian me. Shadow the Wonder dog got it spooned over his dog food this weekend and he pronounced it, "Deee-lish-iss!"

So the take away here is this: Even when you have no idea what you're getting at one of these outlet grocery places, it's still more fun than shopping at The Giant... and for 11 cents a can, sometimes even the dog scores.

Mooville Roadside Attraction #2: Kipona

Our good Steven Reed, Harrisburg Mayor For Life, declared the 2008 version of this particular Mooville Roadside Attraction open for business on Saturday, August 30 and so begins my attempt to explain this Mooville Staycation-- Kipona to you, Dear Reader... wish me luck.

Kipona

August 30 - September 1, 2008

Up and Down Front St. and City Island

FREE! You can't pay for this kind of entertainment... I mean... no one would...

This is one of the three reasons each year that Steven Reed, HMFL, closes Front St. from the Harvey Taylor Bridge to Market St. so people can mill around to take in the spectacle.

I have to tell you, I have no idea what a Kipona is. But it qualifies as a roadside attraction by virtue of the fact that it occurs by a roadside... it occurs ON the road, for crying out loud. And the side of the road. And half way across the river on the City island.

This year the sponsors are advertising it as an Art festival (sort of), Bass Fishing Tournament, Boat Race, Kiddie Park, Drum Circle and Chili Cook-Off.

You know there was a committee involved, right?

What does a Rubber Duck fundraiser for the March of Dimes, an Iron Chef demonstration, a bunch of people paddling canoes with dragon heads at the front and dragon tails at the back up and down the Susquehanna River, a rash of bands you've never heard of, a karate tournament, bad fair food and the Bath Fitter company have in common? I mean other than they're ALL happening on Front Street RIGHT NOW?

No. Seriously. I want someone to tell me what the hell ties all this activity together.

I mean. Bath Fitter?

The music , I am so sorry to tell you, is really not the draw with the incredibly notable exception of Darcie Miner who holds forth on a stage next to the Market Street bridge on Monday at noon if it doesn't rain again and drown her set out as it has the last 3 of the 4 times she's been a good enough sport to show back up in Harrisburg to play for free. She's got a real alt.country approach and this chick can rawk... I love her and you do, too, if you've ever seen her. The Martini Bros. are also worthy and are listed to close this moneymaker down at 8:00 PM Monday evening.

The only other thing I can truly get behind would be the fireworks.

They are supposed to be happening at 8:35 PM tonight-- that would be Sunday, August 31 and I have to get a move on here to let you all know about this in time to get over to my secret Harrisburg watching site because I won't miss a fireworks display if I can help it.

I'll even go to a pretty poor showing and I will say that Harrisburg has redeemed many of its shortcomings with decent fireworks. I'm going to cross my fingers and toes to make sure they send the Summer off in a manner becoming the season...

The food is the same bunch of folks hawking the deep-fried fat balls wrapped in powdered sugar and then dipped in chocolate you see at every gathering... you're not expecting haute cuisine, I know, I know but rest assured that if you are feeling a little fat, salt or sugar deficient today, these people will fix you right up.

The Broad Street Market is open part way through the day on Saturday so you can get some good Indian at Curry In A Hurry if you feel the need to eat while you're here. These people operate Passage to India at the bottom of Front Street and that is the only restaurant I would eat in willingly the first three years I lived in Mooville. It is, hands down, the best Indian in town and to this day one of maybe 4 in the city where I would send anyone I liked. I saw cantaloupes for $1.50 at the vegetable stand at the front of the Brick Building and there was some real nice-looking produce at the stand set up between the buildings... very nice peppers... beets... watermelons... the little sweet sugar-babies were a dollar a piece. It wasn't Kipona which is why they were probably the best thing about the day...

But I digress...

The Kipona part makes you pay to go see the Art and I wasn't in any mood by the time I schlepped all the way from Broad Street to Market Street so you're on your own with whether there is anything remotely art-like there. The drumming over at City Island was very primal and rhythmic but I don't know why all these indigenous people come to Harrisburg to drum. Maybe it's to irritate the people who took their land. It worked on me and I swear I bought my house from a guy in San Francisco.

The Kids Village is all slap fulla people painting children's faces and making balloon hats and shoving them on kid's heads and getting them to make what purports to be edible sand art. This seems like a set-up for a real cruel pair of shoes... teach a kid to eat sand then take him to the beach. Nice.

The chili cook-off in the middle of State Street was more Halloween Party than serious chili and I've been to Hatch and I know the smell of real chiles roasting in the air... this wasn't it... Sorry, again...

The weather HAS been cooperating this year. It was overcast mostly yesterday and that kept it from being really pain in the ass hot and sticky... Today it's been a perfect low-humidity, sunny Mooville day... really a sweet fairytale of a day to make you think it will be like this until it gets nice again... I wouldn't ruin a day like this by slogging through the masses at this Kipona thing but maybe you haven't yet filled your dance card of odd things people in Mooville do and if that's the case, you have another unknown band / footbag tourney / art show/ kid ride / drumming day ahead of you.

You really ought to try to catch Darcie Miner...

And don't forget the FIREWORKS!!

Next time: I'll tell you where my secret firework peering place is and where to see the best fireworks in Mooville.

Outlet Grocery Review: Sharp Shopper, Middletown, PA

Sharp Shopper Grocery Outlet
1595 Jamesway Plaza
Middletown, PA 17057
717-944-6606
M - F : 8 AM to 8 PM
Sat: 8 AM - 6 PM
http://www.sharpshopper.net/middletown.htm
Accepts credit cards, debit cards and local checks.
They bag your groceries in FREE bags!

Well, NOW You've Gone And Done It!
You went and told everyone you know about the great deals there are to be had by sucking it up and going to visit the local, friendly salvage grocer. And the store closest to YOU is the fabulous Sharp Shopper, Middletown, isn't it?

I know.

You Know How I Know?
Because I was THERE this morning and I saw TWO Lincoln Towncars and a cobalt blue Jaguar in the parking lot! The gentrification of the Harrisburg Salvage Grocery has begun.

And this is made evident by a once-over on the shelves: The prices in this store have gone up between 15 and 40% on some items just since I was here last month and it's all because they know what they're doing!!

Get in the way back machine and travel to that Intro to Economics class you snored through freshman year... what do you remember from that long ago time? Right. Supply and Demand. Well, the demand has finally shown up in Middletown, dammit, and the white gloved hand of the market is now at work.

I hope you're happy with yourself.

The Proof
The Duraflame log-sized roll of Land O' Lakes cheese that was $1.79 a pound is now $1.99 a pound for the medium cheddar and colby jack favors this morning. Granted, it's a pretty great deal. Still.

Now the 2/ $1 salad dressings are 99 cents each and the 89 cent salad dressings are $1.29 including a VERY good 12 oz. Gardini's Southwest Caesar that I got at the B.B.'s - Shaefferstown 3 weeks ago as a grouping of 4 / $1.

The $1 tubes of Colgate toothpaste are suddenly $1.49. The usually 99 cent 24 oz boxes of really good Premium Milk Bones were $1.39 today.

This is the difference between the true salvage grocery like B.B.'s and the hybrid of the breed of which the Sharp Shopper chain is one: About 30%.

I don't mean to bitch too hard. The 2-1/2 dozen medium eggs are still $2.35 and you'd have to be able to buy a dozen eggs for 93 cents to get that deal at a regular supermarket. There was a whole shelf full of Polly-O 32 oz. containers of ricotta cheese for 99 cents again. And they had 8 lb. bags of shredded lettuce for $2.99! I don't know what you do with 8 pounds of shredded lettuce, either, but I know you're not going to get it for $2.99 at the Giant. So, you know...

I'm not seeing the eye-popping deals I used to at the Sharp Shopper but you know what that means: it's time to head out to the country...

If You Go:
From Mooville head towards the airport on I-283. Before you get to the airport take the PA230 exit and go L at the bottom of the ramp at the light. The next light is the shopping center plaza on the left. Watch. The parking lot is a wreck.

Mooville Roadside Attraction #1: Green Dragon Market

Now here's a thing you really should not deprive yourself of... If you don't have a bucket list, start one and put this on it... you will die a restless spirit if you go without having been to the Green Dragon.

Green Dragon Market
955 North State Street
Ephrata, PA 17522
Telephone (717) 738-1117

If you have the good fortune to be from WESTERN Pennsylvania, you may have had the pleasure of experiencing Pechins in Dunbar, Fayette County when it was across the falling down bridge off Rt. 119 and around the back of that cut before they moved out to their much cleaner, tidier and altogether less satisfactory digs at the Laurel Mall in 2005.

If you have any idea what a Pechins was, you will not need nearly so much convincing to take off work and get your self up out of bed early enough to hit the Green Dragon as it is opening up at 9 AM...

And if you have ever found yourself at the hallucination that is the Sunrise Swap Shop, Circus and 14 Screen Drive-in Theatre just north of Ft. Lauderdale... you think I'm kidding about this? On the BEST drugs I couldn't make that place up... the Green Dragon is like an Amish Sunrise Swap Shop without the abused elephants or the 14 movie screens... I know, I know, who wouldn't want to see THAT but we're talking about STAYcations now... stay with me here...

There's a big out of control flea market on E. Baseline on the way to Apache Junction east of Phoenix off the 60, come to think of it, but I digress...

The Green Dragon is ONLY open on Friday. How do they manage to pay the rent on one day's sales? VOLUME!!!!

Now, don't go expecting the greatest deals in the world necessarily although there are some to be had... the attraction here is the sheer amount of stuff they have managed to cram into 10 acres of sectioned off stalls in 7 enormous buildings. Bring cash. And wear sneakers.

Directions from Mooville:
The scenic route is 45 miles and about an hour and 20 minutes from center city (and I use the word loosely) Harrisburg, PA. Find Rt. 322E and stay with it no matter what until about 40 miles out of town you hit the square of Ephrata and turn L on to PA-272/N Reading Rd. Go about 1.5 miles and make that R at Garden Spot Rd. If you get to Wabash Rd., stop and turn around as you'll have missed it. Less than a mile on Garden Spot later take the R onto North State St. You can NOT miss the signs.

Need to get there 15 minutes faster? Take 283 S to Rt. 30 E at Lancaster. Take the Rt. 222 N interchange towards Reading. Ten or so miles up take Rt. 322 towards Ephrata, merge yourself onto Hahnstown Rd. then L at E. Mohler Church Rd. and stay with it (you'll have to turn right after a mile and a half to do that and then make another one... that Mohler Church does NOT want people from Lancaster to get to the Green Dragon), finally you will see North State Street after about 2 and a half miles of Mohler Church Rd. all told. Half a mile on State St. and you'll be there.

The Turnpike won't get you there any quicker, either, so save the outrageous $2.00 toll on the Harrisburg East to Reading section and see the cows... they're bored to cow tears out in those fields and they will moo with happiness to see you...

I always honk my horn at cows. I think it gives them something to think about.

Outlet Grocery Review: BB's Grocery Outlet, Schaefferstown, PA

BB's Grocery Outlet

Route 419 N.

Schaefferstown, PA

No phone, no pool, no pets

M - F: 8 AM to 5 PM

SAT: 8 AM - 3 PM

Cash and local checks only

They bag your groceries in FREE bags!

Now, like many of these charmers, you will not find much more than a State Route Number when you go looking for an address. These Amish are crafty marketing geniuses and they know that a large part of the attraction of these smash and dent places is that not everyone knows about them, damned plain elitists that they are. You need a connection to find one. It took me YEARS to find the first BB's and now if, like Lou Reed, you've been waiting on your Man to hook you up on the BB's East location... well, here I am:

Mostly How To Get There:
From Mooville Proper, get on Rt. 322E from Harrisburg towards Hershey. Stay on Rt. 322 no matter how tempting the signs or the Google maps might make that 419N, Schaefferstown address... on the other side of Hershey, past the conference center at the Lodge and the Milton Hershey School and all that you will see a thing looming on the right that will set your nose to twitching...

it's called the Country View Grocery and it is just that sort of mixed-use looking building that these salvage places set themselves up in... It might have been a little diner once... one that was too clean and couldn't find anyone to make any decent pie, you know the kind... and it is a grocery all right... I found some 2 for $1 L'Eggs control top pantyhose on a shelf and there is a little room in the back with all kindsa Amish noodles and whatnot back there... lots of bagged up and containerized bulk foodstuffs...

DO NOT BE FOOLED... this trompe l'oeil trifle is NOT the real deal. I did get a big bag of Spring mix lettuce for 75 cents that would’a set me back $3.69 at The Giant but I digress... Stay on 322E, you hear?

Eventually you will pass a road (Starner Rd.) and the very next turn off to the left will be for 419: TAKE THAT LEFT. You will very shortly hit Rt. 72/Quentin Rd. (big intersection, big ass gas station and a HUGE horse riding school place on the left... lots of very beautiful horses and girls spending Daddy's money on lessons and tack and snoot long before he strokes out from getting the bill) cross over 72/Quentin Rd. and keep on 419 which sometimes will be east and sometimes north but stay with 419 even as you have to dog-leg sort of left past a lovely old redstone church where they have a peach festival in August and then right and quickly left again at the Cornwall Furnace...

ALL OF THIS IS RT. 419... right about here is where you may catch a glimpse of a sign that says Schaeffer Rd, no matter...

Follow 419 past some utterly lovely homes and a stinky farm where this Saturday morning I saw an actual calf with an actual collar on it on a lead of some kind that was attached to a big igloo-looking thing right in the front yard by the road. I am against chained dogs in principal and in fact but I have not yet thought out my humane treatment of cows ethic and I was trying to get to BB's before all the good stuff was gone so I didn't stop to nose around (i.e. get shot)... finally you will see a large sign for 501N which will be disorienting because it will appear to be heading west.. PAY NO ATTENTION TO RT. 501!

A second later you will see another sign for 501S or some such and then you must begin to watch... (don't turn onto 501, you hear!?) VERY shortly after this you will come to a little bitty town square... right will take you past a cute and likely over-priced antique shop. It is called Market St. but there is nothing that way but a cool old rotted out Distillery and there is no liquor there any more... I looked, believe it. Straight ahead will take you onto Rt. 897 and god knows where. Instead, go LEFT onto Market St. In two shakes of a lamb's tail on the right you will see the familiar low to the ground yellow sign that you've been looking for: BB's Bents, Bumps & Bunch of Bargains.

It is on the right and it is MUCH smaller that the home office out between Newville and Newburg...

The Goods

More cramped for space but many of the same goods were here, from the looks of the assortment yesterday, as the stuff I looked over last week in Newburg... The COLDEST freaking freezer, check... Spices in a buncha boxes you have to go through every one to find what you're after for 25 cents or 50 cents, check... 8 oz. salad dressings @ 4 / $1, check. They've got a shipment of banged up super-premium dog food in and I picked up a 26# bag of Wellness CORE dog food that runs $40 at Superpetz on sale for, get this: $9.50.

And pint cartons of Woodstock Farms organic half and half: 3/$1!! OH, ALL RIGHT! They went out of date on Valentine's Day but I opened one in the parking lot and there was NOTHING wrong with it, I tell you... I went back in and bought the rest so there aren't any more of those, sorry. And VERY FRIENDLY shoppers! Very!

9 Stars. It's not the Newburg B.B.'s, but what is? Incredibly Highly Recommended. Bring your cooler if you're coming from very far away.

How To Leave

Go home the way you came. You could try to lollygag around on 501N up to 422 in Myerstown or take Main St./897 to the right on your way back through town and ride that out to Lebanon if you had a mind to go that way but I wanted to see what was in that Country View Grocery...

If I hadn't stopped, I could have been back in Harrisburg in 40 minutes. No lie.