TODAY, Moovillians, we had sun. And evidently some parts of Outer Mooville attained the grand temperature of 57F degrees. Also, my wonderful assistant chose today to inform me that there are Chipotles that serve margaritas and I have charged her with finding one of those places and getting us there for lunch and I mean THIS week.
The confluence of these things have all conspired to make me wishful for being somewhere else and if ever you find yourself in the Greater Phoenix area, first be SO happy you are not in Mooville... then make sure you are nowhere near the tragic tale that is my brother's sojourn through Stolen Mexico and THEN look around at all the stuff there is that is not a steaming pile of wrong... and there is much that is flat wrong about the mess that is Greater Phoenix... I can go on and on about it... as can my brother...
but I want to tell you about a place you have to go and see...
It is called Pro's Ranch Market and it is a sight to behold (not to be confused with the Ranch Market farmstand out towards Apache Junction which is another sight to behold)...
A Spanish-language hypermarket straight out of central casting-- you'd never guess they were owned by four Italian guys.
The entrance of every one is perfumed with lard and sugar wafting off the biggest, fattest pan dulces...
vanilla with chopped black walnuts, chocolate rounds that cover your hand, cinnamon polvorones, conchas and butter galetas SO freaking good and directly next to the Oasis of 15 giant jars of Agua Frescas...
Make mine Sandia y Tamarindo mixto, por fa please...
Then on to the cocina to sit down to 8 pieces of grilled chicken, a pound of rice, a pound of beans, 12 tortillas and a container of fresh salsa which will set you back a total of $6.99 and feed your whole family unless you are really set on making a pig of yourself. Plates of carne asada are $2.99 and anything else your heart could ever desire...
That is where you get THIS:
before you're sweet talked into spending time with the highest stacks of the most gorgeous CHEAP produce-- BAGS of roasted green chiles at $1.49 a pound, vats of crema in 5 flavors for $1.79 a pint... I'm not kidding...
This is a big fat pile of fresh chiles (they are roasting them in the parking lot as a sideshow attraction for free RIGHT NOW!) and this
is a big fat pile of key limes and pinas next to it and cucumbers to the side, of course, and potatoes behind... and THIS
is a big fat pile of melonas and lemons and regular limes and then grapefruit...
See?
The in-store tortilleria turns out fresh flat breads in every size...
and weekends get you a BBQ in the parking lot! With mariachis!
As a vegetarian, I'm not able to bring myself to show you the giant heads of cattle and I am not kidding you for one minute when I say there are HEADS of cattle in the meat cases... and meat... and chickens and piglets and fish, OH MY! absolutely PILED up in cases that might give you pause (I mean if you're NOT a vegetarian, *I* can't get close to them my own self) if you were ANYwhere else... but you just know the crowds are going to decimate the place and this is The. Freshest. EVERYTHING. you have ever seen, truly...
OMIGOSH!!!! THE VATS OF SALSA!!!
Yes, in fact that IS $3.99 a pound for guacamole and it is made FRESH FRESH FRESH every day. I mean EVERY day!!
Part grocery, part Sabado Gigante-- Pro's Ranch Markets is everything that is right about supply and demand: Beautiful, fresh, delicious, cheap and FUN, goddamn it.
Perfection.
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Ok, NEXT time is prolly a trip to Sharp Shopper and THEN I swear to dog a NEW (to me) Grocery Outlet
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